Love Was One Prolonged Goodbye
by vivaforever597
Summary: Four vignettes in which Haruhi and Asami discuss their mothers and their love lives. Inspired by songs by Annie Lennox, September, ABBA, and Bananarama.


A/N: Prompt from aquietrevolutionary on Tumblr, after I asked for "sad Haruhi prompts": _maybe do a OHSHC/LOK crossover where haruhi and asami talk about moms?_ Trigger warnings: Discussion of death.

* * *

_**Angel**_  
_And I believed in you like Elvis Presley singing songs on a Sunday. Where did you go?_

"Do you ever feel like she's abandoned you, somehow?" Asami asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"Huh?" Haruhi replied indelicately, having been torn by the question from her attempts to recollect what was on sale that weekend at the supermarket.

"Your mom." Asami stirred her coffee, trying to distract herself from her own embarrassment. "Do you sometimes feel like she abandoned you?"

Haruhi thought about it for a moment. "Nah. Not really. She didn't have any choice in it, I mean."

"I know." Asami sighed. "I know mine didn't. But …"

"But I do have a father who cares for me," Haruhi said, trying to comfort her companion. "And you don't." Asami cringed. She knew Haruhi wasn't trying to be hurtful, but she really wasn't very empathetic.

"I know she would want to be with me. But sometimes," Asami reflected, "I just feel like she left me adrift."

Haruhi nodded. "I know how it feels."

_**Looking for Love**_  
_Mama, what do you see? Is anybody looking for me?_

Haruhi sipped her tea, then smiled sadly at her reflection in the cup. "Sometimes I just wish my mom could tell me what's going to happen to me," she said, thinking aloud rather than addressing the young woman in the armchair opposite her.

"What do you mean?" Asami asked with a smile, not sure if it was a joke she was meant to laugh at.

"I mean … she's in Heaven. She must know my future and everything. I wish she could tell me."

Asami rubbed her hand uncomfortably. "I suppose," she said lamely.

Haruhi studied her face. "You don't believe in an afterlife, do you?" she murmured.

Asami shook her head. "I don't," she said kindly, "but don't let that get in the way of your beliefs."

"Thanks." Haruhi smiled, this time genuinely. It seemed to her that it had been far too long since she had last done so.

"So you believe your mom can see the future from Heaven?" Asami prompted, her tone non-judgmental.

"Well, not that exactly," Haruhi hedged. "But kind of. Uh, I guess. I'm not really sure what I think about how Heaven works. But I kind of think she sees how my life will turn out."

Asami nodded thoughtfully. "And you'd like to know that?"

"Wouldn't you?"

"I'm not sure." Asami chuckled.

"I mean, I wouldn't want to know everything," Haruhi explained. "But — you know about the guy I like." Asami nodded as she raised her cup to her lips again. "I'd just like to know if anything ever comes of being in love with him."

A chuckle bubbled up from Asami's throat, nearly choking her on her tea. She clutched her chest for a second as she took a deep breath to collect herself. "Sorry," she said quickly, "I'm not laughing at you. I just know how it feels to be in love and not know what's coming."

"Not knowing is the worst," Haruhi said, a little peevishly.

"Not knowing if he'll ever change his mind, or if you really want him to…" Asami said, her mouth seeming to form the words independently of her mind, as her memory wandered to a few months earlier. "Or when you'll finally be over him," she finished.

Haruhi raised her eyebrows. "You've felt that way?"

Asami reached over and gently squeezed her friend's arm. "Yes. But there isn't anyone who can tell us that, Haruhi. We have to live through it ourselves."

"I know," Haruhi replied crossly, and a little dejectedly. "I'm tired of it."

"I am too," Asami said. "I am too."

_**Like an Angel Passing Through My Room**_  
_In this peaceful solitude, all the outside world subdued, everything comes back to me again._

Asami rose elegantly from the floor. "Thank you, Haruhi," she said quietly.

"For what?" Haruhi said, puzzled. "I didn't do anything."

"You gave me the privilege of paying my respects," Asami replied, nodding toward the shrine she had knelt in front of. "It's a good feeling. I feel … fulfilled."

"I thought you didn't believe in an afterlife," Haruhi said curiously.

"I don't," Asami said mildly, "but you do. That's enough, isn't it? Anyway, afterlife or none, sharing something like that is special for me. I feel more connected to you and your mother." She left off what she had been planning to say, noticing Haruhi's lip trembling. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Haruhi said, her voice shaky. In almost an instant, she found herself in Asami's arms, as the taller girl hugged her gently. Tears fell at last from her eyes as they intensified from a muscle twitch to a vocalized sob, albeit one so quiet as to be almost silent.

"You're a big girl," Asami said soothingly. "Cry as much as you like, Haruhi. You've earned the right."

They stood there for several more seconds, Haruhi eventually wiping her eyes and breaking the embrace. For a change, she didn't feel a need to fill the silence. Maybe, she thought, this was what it felt like to be at peace.

_**Robert De Niro's Waiting**_  
_This is my only escape from it all, watching a film or a face on a wall._

"It's always nice to have a distraction like that," Asami said lightly as they walked out of the cinema, the breeze sweeping her dark hair lightly across her face. Haruhi looked at her, wishing her own hair were as beautiful. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind, deciding she didn't want to allow herself to be jealous of her friend.

"It would be," Haruhi said, "if…" She cut herself off, not sure how much about herself she wanted to reveal.

But Asami had already heard. "If what?"

Haruhi blushed. "If it were really a distraction from my problems."

"It isn't?" Asami asked, her expression curious as she pulled her keys from her jacket pocket, her gaze not shifting away from the younger girl.

"Whenever I see a movie like that, I always end up imagining it's Tamaki and me as the leads," Haruhi admitted bashfully.

Asami patted her shoulder kindly. "It can be hard to escape love, can't it?" she said.

"It's like I'm always running from it," Haruhi replied.

"But you can never quite run far enough," Asami said. "It always seems to catch up with you, sooner or later."

Haruhi sighed, exasperated. "Yeah. Maybe I need to watch a horror movie or something."

Asami laughed. "It could be arranged."

But Haruhi thought to herself that distractions would only help her for so long. Eventually, she would have to find a way to overcome her feelings, or to let herself be overcome by them.


End file.
